Feeling Stuck

I am guessing it happens to all of us… feeling stuck. For over a year I have been on a tedious job search that has only yielded temporary solutions. I have gone on some of the worst interviews and some that seemed very promising only to never amount to anything. I have skimmed through self-help books per friend’s suggestions. I have tried Craigslist, LinkedIn, Monster, Simply Hired, and many other job search engines. I have tried to network. It is all so discouraging. I have not limited myself to staying in Chicago. (I have hoped for Colorado, California, and Montana). Why is this so hard?

So I started this blog. Most of the time, it is the primary source of my happiness. Through blogging I have discovered many things.

1. All those tricks I learned in art school can actually be applied in real life. My apartment has a very nice color-scheme thanks to years of color theory. I have beautiful art on the walls from not only myself, but many talented people I am fortunate enough to call my friends. I have finagled damaged furniture from alleys, used drop-cloths as linens and slip-covers, and tricked a boy into doing the hard parts (hanging the relationship testing ikea curtains). These are all real-life applications of tricks I learned in art school.

2. I love writing. I really do. I remember my senior year of high school, where I was doing that “apply to college” thing. I was in multiple art classes and a creative writing class. I remember thinking I would go to school for either one of these disciplines. (Obviously creative writing would have me about as employable as art so this is not the worst thing ever). But blogging, this is great! I’m fairly anonymous and people actually seem to like what I write! And because I started doing it, I’ve actually transformed a dodgy apartment into a pretty sweet abode. (“For the blog!” as I like to say).

3. I don’t want a traditional job (potential employers of traditional jobs please stop reading here). I want to own (or co-own) some type of handmade/design/furniture fixing/interior decorating/creative solutioning company. I don’t think this is a terrible idea but I have no fracking clue how to make this happen! Halp! Is this possible to start while trying to finance living modestly but comfortably in an expensive city? Do I start doing it out of my home and find a space later? Business loans? I just don’t know.

It is like this- I feel stuck because I have been teetering on this cusp of almost figuring it out for what I would like to believe is two years. It’s the worst! Tom Petty says “The waiting is the hardest part” AND IT TOTALLY IS. Also, I am waiting for other things like a ring on my finger, but that is a different rant for a different day though arguably factors into my feeling stuck.

This is becoming the longest box wine ramble ever, but I have one more list of things I want to do (life-wise and career-wise and all other-wise):

Tiny Little House (build and live in).

Furniture/Design Studio (A space to build/fix/make/craft/destroy/rebuild/sell).

Montana (I want some mountains).

Teach (New ideas about art through digitalizaiton of analog methodologies).

Get Married (I’m a girl what can I say, been dreaming about my wedding my whole life).

Get a Dog (any rescue will do).

Own a Business (Be my own boss-bring my dog to work).

Own a Car (I want to road trip. I want to be able to bring home stuff I find. I want to hitch up my tiny house and move where ever my heart desires).

Not impossible things. Just need to penetrate that meniscus… Until then I work on not feeling stuck.

Sorry for the ramble, friends.

xoxo- Nikki


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