Tag Archives: love

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Buenas noches! It has been much too long since I have sat down and typed out my thoughts. You were probably wondering “where has Nikki gone?” I am coming to the end of my first Seattle year and I have to say, what a year it has been. I didn’t do very much DIY this year, and that makes me sad :( However, I just signed a lease on a house (with a porch, a deck, a garage for work space (maybe I can finally use that saw I’ve been lugging around), and a yard complete with a fire pit so I am pretty confident that 2016 is going to be a great year.

If you were following along, you may have noticed that I was dating a man. Well, alas- another one bites the dust. You really can’t always get what you want. After seven months and a very long night working on Halloween costumes (we were going to be a pair of mittens) we decided to part ways the following morning on Halloween day. I was momentarily crushed, and while I do still miss this person I am realizing how much of myself I lost during those seven months.

I just got to Seattle, and I want to be in love with the place. I mean, it is amazing! Water is everywhere. There are mountains. There are jobs for creative/behind the scenes right-brained people like me (in very unexpected industries). While I was dating that man who had been here too long I failed to let myself really experience all this glorious place has to offer. And if you remember, I spent all of 2014 trying to find the place that had that right feeling. It was Seattle, and it still is and I still have that infinite possibility feeling. Since I have returned to my normal cat-lady status I have done sooo much more. Hockey Night now happens once a week. Good old mid-west kids gather in a bar and eat wings and watch our Blackhawks destroy the other team. I am actually performing better at my job. I started working out during a lunch break (which might be helping me perform better at work). I accept invitations to meet new people, or to attend events. I’ve even volunteered.

The thing is, I stopped being that awesome person that I am. I stopped making art. I stopped writing. I stopped shooting polaroids. I don’t want to be that person, ever again. I am not someone that needs to change for another person. I also don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t know how they feel about me after seven months. And while, you can’t always get what you want, some of the time you can. I didn’t work so hard to get here to settle. It’s hard sometimes, 30 feels so old and I am not where I thought that I would be. But that is ok. I have lived, I have loved, I have learned. My glass is still always half full (when I’m lucky, it’s wine).

I am going to move with my current roommate. She is just the most wonderful human to exist. She is so kind and hilarious. She listens to Christmas music in┬áher epic blue minivan. She loves the kitties. We got a Christmas tree! It’s amazing. We went to a farm and cut it down while sipping on hot chocolate. It is comforting to share a safe place to live with such an amazing human. I am so excited for our house and even more excited to get out of Capitol Hill and our little attic apartment. (And sitting on the deck! Or the porch!).

So this year is wrapping up, and I have to move (ugh!). But once I do I am excited to make curtains, build things, start painting and drawing again. I’ve already shot over 20 portraits since October and I look forward to restarting 500faceproject. You can’t always get what you want, but sometimes what you need is just a little time for yourself. And maybe when I’m ready, so will be my little work-affiliate crush ;)